Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The Merriam-Webster dictionary takes this definition a little deeper.
the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.
Let's break it down
Empathy is:
Setting aside oneself to provide a safe space for another to share their life journey and perspectives.
Listening to another person's experience with an open mind and heart.
Setting aside judgment and opinions about another person and their experience.
Allowing your own theories/experiences about life, the world, society, and more to rest while you explore, consider, validate, and embrace the uniqueness of another's perspective/experiences.
Empathy is not:
Seeking to validate yourself.
Listening to someone in hopes they will listen to you (or put another way, it isn't listening to someone to get something.)
Assuming you understand someone's experience because the language they use is vague or similar to something you have experienced or heard of.
Expecting you fully understand simply because you have listened.
To be an empathetic person you first need to be a safe person.
This isn't a perfect rule, however if a person isn't trustworthy people will learn not to open up. In order for someone to share their perspectives or life story there needs to be a sense of trust. Often this culminates after low-stake relational interactions have proceeded well. Even people who seem uninhibited with their opinions have experiences that have hurt them, have been difficult, or go unsaid because they fear rejection or being misunderstood.
Empathy may seem easy to understand, after all, many of us have probably heard some form of “how would you feel?” posed. Our brains are full of our own perceptions and conceptions. The challenge with empathy is that it isn’t about how you personally would perceive or feel about something. Empathy is in part, the ability to accurately hear someone, avoid the pitfalls of putting our thoughts/feelings into their situations, and sensitively engage with what their experience and feelings are. Then once this is done be able to hold their experience as valuable, nuanced, and worthy of our support, consideration, and connection.
Empathy inherently fights reductionism as it accepts that people are complicated. It accepts that we experience things differently, and views people as nuanced. It views people as valuable and worthy of connection and support. It pairs wonderfully with the golden rule- do unto others as you would like them to do for you, and yet has the grace to allow others to choose or not choose this for themselves.
As empathy acknowledges complexity in people and their experiences it can be hard to navigate. We will explore more about the concept, practical steps, and practice empathetic engagement with personal stories curated here for you at Empathy Unites Us. Stay tuned!
Comments